Archive for October, 2007

Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime

Thursday, October 11th, 2007
Rocket Slime

This is a slime. If you’ve logged any time with any of the Dragon Quest / Dragon Warrior games, you are intimately familiar with its grinning visage. This little glob of mucus is the weakest and most common thing you will fight in this game series, so it stands to reason that it would somehow become the mascot for the series, right?

I’m not sure how that happened either.

So, many years later we get a game that stars this little snot-ball, which I just played through. Turns out to be not half bad.

The game goes something like this: Your hero, Rocket, lives in Boingburg, a town populated by slimes, in the kingdom of Slimenia. One day, the town is destroyed, all the inhabitants are kidnapped (except for Rocket, who happened to be away at the time, lucky dog!). He eventually embarks on a quest to rescue the kidnappees, and save the kingdom. You do this in two ways: adventuring around a few stages, collecting items and rescuing your buddies. Occasionally, though, you’ll also have to do battle with a giant tank. Why? Who knows. But it makes the game a bit more complicated. See, during the adventure stages, you can send what amounts to trash back to town, you can use this trash to craft ammunition for your tank.

This game has that ‘pick up and play for a little bit at a time’ thing going for it, which is pretty important for a handheld game. The only thing that I didn’t like about it was that it was a little short on content. I blew through it my first time through in about 10 hours. I managed to do just about everything in that time, too, so I don’t think I’ll be playing it again.

Pontifex

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

Pontifex is can only barely be called a game. There are levels, sure, but that’s about all this thing has in common with a ‘game’.

So what is it? It’s a program for building bridges. You are presented with a river and a budget and have to construct a bridge that will not only span the gap, but also allow a train to be sent across it. Get the train across and you go to the next level.

It looks extremely tedious and boring, I know, but it’s really not. Getting to play with the physics engine and watching the car and the bridge fail in catastrophic new ways not only teaches a bit about bridge architecture (I know! Making a game fun and educational? Devious!) but is endlessly fascinating to watch.

Don’t believe me? Check out the demo here

Battletoads in Battlemaniacs

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

I decided long ago that I just wasn’t hardcore enough to finish the original Battletoads game. Why, then, would I attempt to play a sequel? Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment, maybe I’m eternally optimistic to think that I’ll have a chance to be better at a sequel, maybe I’m a sucker for pretty graphics, or maybe I just wanted the chance to play as Pimple, the unplayable ‘Toad from the first game.

The story is very similar to the first game in the series. In that game a princess and a Battletoad (Pimple) got kidnapped, and the remaining team had to go to the planet and save them. In this game the daughter of some guy and a Battletoad (Zitz) got kidnapped, and the remaining team had to go into a virtual reality simulator to save them.

You even have similar locales: Speeder Bike Level, Tree Level, Giant Snake Level (Karnath’s Lair), Clinger Winger-like stage, and a Race-to-the-bottom-of-a-shaft-to-diffuse-a-bomb level. All ripped unceremoniously from the first game, given a face lift, and crowbarred into this one. The only original stages are the first stage and the bonus levels (where you inexplicably slide around on a giant checker across a chessboard, avoiding rats and collecting bowling pins for extra lives).

So what you end up with is essentially a remake of the original game, distilled down to its ‘greatest hits’, and polished up to a fine luster. But what about the difficulty? The first game is monstrously difficult for my addled game-playing skills, and this one is too. But I’m not sure if it’s a combination of the reduced stage count or the slightly increased opportunities for extra lives, but I was actually able to complete this game, several times, in fact. Though, oddly enough, due to the bizarre button layout, I was only able to to that by using my Super Advantage joystick controller.

Superman

Monday, October 8th, 2007

The Superman game for the Atari 2600 was, like most of the games for the system, incomprehensible, unbelievable, and inane. It took me a while for me to figure out what was going on in this game, but after years of playing this game off and on and lengthy cogitation, I think I’ve figured it out: Superman, a.k.a. Clark Kent, must repair a bridge and capture the criminals responsible for blowing it up, so he can get to work. In fact, I found a video that shows the game in its entirety:

You now know everything that’s worth knowing about the Atari 2600 Superman game, and can share the pain that that knowledge brings.

P.N.03

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

I am occasionally amazed at the skill of the folks who put together promo videos for games. They managed to make P.N.03 look pretty enticing, and when I found it at my local Best Buy for less than $10, I couldn’t resist. Although, in hindsight, I dearly wish I had.

The game plays something like this: You run around a room, shooting things in front of you with your super-amazing power suit. Blow up everything in the room and you go on to the next, nearly identical room. After going through so many nearly identical rooms, you’ll fight a boss, get upgrades for your suit, and continue. Occasionally, you’ll get an almost incomprehensible bit of dialog that attempts to further the story.

I did manage to make it to the first boss, and the first save point before I was bored completely out of my mind. Making the heroine of the game sexy and limber with acrobatic moves is a cheap way to get some young male purchases of a pretty lame game.

Gotcha! The Sport

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

I’ve never actually played paintball, but if I ever did, I have to believe it would be a whole lot different than Gotcha! for the NES. To its credit, it is the only NES game that I’ve ever played that requires you to use the controller and the light gun at the same time, but I’m getting ahead of myself a bit.

Gotcha! puts you on one side of a paintball, ‘capture the flag’ match. You have to navigate to the other team’s base, get their flag, and make back to your own base without getting shot to win. You, of course, use the control pad to move left and right and the gun to shoot the enemy team. Yep, you read that right, you can only kind of glide left and right, no forward or backward for you!

Here’s what’s going to happen when you play this game: You’re going to play it for a round or two, you’re going to realize that there are dozens of ways you can better spend your time, then you’re going to play something else.

The Great Giana Sisters

Friday, October 5th, 2007

My first exposure to the Great Giana Sisters was with some bootleg disk that came from who knows where. I remember reading the documentation that came with it which said that the game looked very Mario-ish, so he changed some of the graphics around to make them looks more like the familiar Mario Universe. It wouldn’t be until years later that I would pick up the original version of this game and realize just how much of a Mario clone it is.

Story? What story? Typical of many games from that time, you were lucky if you got a paragraph or two telling you what was going on. You run to the right, collecting diamonds and powerups, stomping on or shooting fireballs at enemies, and have to reach the structure at the end of the level to proceed. And if you find a hidden room or two? Good for you!

The game itself is relatively solid, though I had to wuss out and turn on infinite lives to finish it (I was 10 and impatient). But the thing to take note of here is the music. It sounds pretty lethargic in the video above, and I can’t find a proper Commodore 64 emulator that will play the song at the tempo I remember it. So either my memory’s faulty or the emulators are. But the music for this game is quite good, and almost certainly fueled my lifelong interest in chiptunes.

Street Rod 2

Thursday, October 4th, 2007

It always amazes me to think what people will play when they’re both very poor and very bored. I was concurrently both of those things growing up, so I played pretty much anything I could get my hands on. Which kind of explains why I ended up playing Street Rod 2.

Street Rod 2 is a game about tricking out and racing muscle cars, two things that I have zero interest in. So you start out with some funds and a newspaper, and you have to use the funds to buy your starter car. Once you get it you tune up the engine, change out parts, and generally get your hands dirty tricking it out. Then, when you have the car done up to your liking, you cruise out to the local burger joint and wait on other folks to arrive. You can then challenge them to races for fun, for money, or for pink slips (pink slip = title to the car).

I futzed around with this game for a long time, but I had no idea what I was doing. I don’t know why one transmission is better than another, I don’t know what the difference between the carburetors is, or why someone would need one muffler over another, so the enjoyment I got out of this game was limited. If you’re a real gear-head, this game might be for you, I suppose.

Rekkaturvat – Truck Dismount

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

So you had a bit of fun shoving a ragdoll down some stairs, but you’re hankering for some more action. A way, perhaps, of needlessly inflicting a large deal of punishment on our featureless protagonist. If that’s the case, then Rekkaturvat may be the game you’re looking for.

Rekkaturvat is essentially the same as the previous game in the series, but you have a lot more ways to customize the mayhem. You have two ramps to place (forward, back, and side to side), an immovable wall, and a truck that you can customize (windshield or no windshield and speed) that will slam into the wall. On top of all of this, you can place your little man pretty much wherever you want. Your goal is, just like the previous game, to inflict as much pain as possible.

Just be warned that if you do play this game, you’ll play for far longer than you intend to. There’s something about the little guy getting maimed that’s tragically hilarious, and very therapeutic.

Thy Dungeonman 3

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Most of the games on the Homestar Runner website are pretty terrible. They can barely be called games. They might waste a few minutes of your life, but in the majority of them you’ll have seen all there is to see within the first two or three seconds of playing. There are a couple of standouts, though, like Thy Dungeonman 3.

Thy Dungeonman 3, as you might surmise, is the third game in a series where the goal of the main character, the Dungeonman in question, is to obtain ‘ye flask’. Why does he want the flask? The game never makes it really clear, but don’t worry about that.

This game is a throwback to those text adventure games that I like so much, but is way easier to figure out.

Thy Dungeonman 3

Just look at those graphics! This game is as much an homage as it is a parody of those old text-adventure shareware games that I grew up with, and maybe that’s why I like it so much. Its appeal lies in its simplicity. Even without the aid of a walkthrough (*gasp!*) I was able to plow through the game in about two hours. Even if you had only a passing interest in text-adventure games, I would certainly give this one a try.

And I do.

So I did.

You can play the game here, if you’re so inclined.